Whitefall
by Green Owl
Summary: River bribes Jayne into helping her get properly outfitted in LEATHER. In STRAWBERRY, River rewards Jayne for his assistance. THROB completes the series with sacks, lies and wild hovermule rides. Request & Dedication for sunshineali.
1. Leather

Author: Green Owl

Title: Leather (1/3 of "Whitefall")

Rating: PG-13 (Jayne has dirty thoughts)

Disclaimer: I don't own or buy/sell/process this mind crack - I just abuse the hell out of it.

* * *

"No." 

"Please?"

"Abso-ruttin'-lutely not."

"Why not? It's my money."

"Do ya have any idea how long it's gonna take to break 'em in?" Jayne Cobb asked, tryin' to keep from losin' his temper.

He was in a store.

A leather goods store, to be exact.

The _ladies' section_ of a leather goods store, for the love o' God!

No promise of authentic victuals was worth this gorram aggravation!

River Tam looked down at the skintight black leather molded to her hips and thighs. "But they're so pretty!"

"They're impractical," Jayne reminded her. Again. For the third ruttin' time in as many gorram minutes.

She pouted as she turned to admire the fit over her shoulder. "Like them."

Jayne rolled his eyes and folded his arms as his stomach growled loudly.

"Saw that," she said.

"Hopin' ya heard, too," he grumbled, scratchin' his belly. "Can I start gettin' fed now?"

"Patience, Cobb," she chided gently. "Every one of your minutes spent on assisting me with outfitting is equal to five of my credits spent on food for you."

"Won't help none if'n I expire o' hunger afore'n I get recompensed," he griped. "Way things're goin', I'm fit to start gnawin' on the chair legs any minute now."

"This is the only leather store on Whitefall," River reminded him, clenching her stomach muscles and tilting her head at her reflection. "I must make sure I have everything I require before we leave."

"Don't know why ya didn't ask Zoe to do this with ya," he said, adjustin' his position in the seat.

"Zoe is with the Captain, arranging our next job," River replied. "Kaylee's with Simon and Inara is with clients. All alone in the world with a few loose screws and no other girls to help me with the fittings."

"Already told ya, Jayne ain't a girl's name!" Jayne scowled, glancin' down at his zipper. "And what's with this 'our' speechifyin'?"

"Want to look like part of the family," she said, turning this way and that in the mirror.

"And ya think vacu-packin' yer ass into a pair o' hide trousers is gonna do that, girl?" he grumbled, lookin' away from the highly distractin' sight of that piece o' clothin' that looked like it was spray-painted onto her pretty little backside.

River beamed breezily, wriggling her hips to get the feel of the cow's skin against her own. "All the crew members who defend _Serenity_ wear tight pants and so must I."

"No they don't," Jayne shot back, near to infuriated by now. "Ain't no gorram girl, don't wear no gorram 'tight pants', an' I already done tol' ya, they're impractical as hell! You won't be able to move easy in 'em for at least three months."

"How would you know?" River asked, tilting her head as she looked at him.

Swift flare of nostalgia with an atomic burst of scarlet before his eyelids…Jayne suppressed it ruthlessly.

"None o' yer gorram business!" he snarled. "Now, try to touch yer toes an' ya'll see what I mean."

She bent over and grunted with annoyance as she stopped six inches short of her goal. "You may have a point, Cobb."

"Told ya so," Jayne announced before administerin' a good, hard mental slap as he caught himself droolin' at the way the leather sculpted her inner thighs.

She looked up at him through her hair. "Parenthetically, you do wear tight pants."

Jayne snorted with annoyance. "My muscular buttocks I do!"

"I agree, the tan ones with the cargo pockets show off the definition of your _glutea__ maximi_ quite nicely."

"Gonna git a spankin' on yers if'n ya if ya carry on with that crazy talk," he threatened, doin' his best to look menacin'.

"Promise?" she teased, grinning at him.

Jayne worked his mouth, but no words came out. _Was that one o' them 'in-__yoo__-end-__ohs__' 'Nara's__ always__ needlin__' Mal 'bout?_

River stood up, her face all sorts o' glowin' an' Jayne's stomach knotted as he recognized the "I've-got-a-brilliant-idea" look.

"Oh no," he muttered under his breath.

"Oh yes!" She looked over at him, her face lit up with inspiration. "Chaps!"

"No!" he barked, plain terrified at his gut-level glee at the notion.

"Yes!" she said, bouncing up and down on her toes and hugging herself at finding a way to have it all.

"Y'ain't no gorram cowboy!" he hissed through gritted teeth, willin' his mind to not visualize her wearin' said item an' failin' miserably.

"I know that, Cobb," River replied, a beatific smile on her face as she ran her hands up and down the luxuriant buttery skin encasing her sleek flanks. "If I was, I would be a cow_girl_. But I can have the best of both worlds – scrumptious slacks and the ability to put my ankles behind my neck!"

Jayne turned her 'round, shoved her back into the changin' room, shut the door behind her an' banged his head against the doorframe repeatedly.

_Will. _

_Not. _

_Visualize. _

_Sexin__'._

_Girl._

"Sir, are you all right?"

He looked up to find a sales clerk peerin' up at him with concern.

"Got any pants that won't make her look like a bounty hunter's wet dream?" Jayne growled.

"Ummm, I'm not sure to what you're referring," the clerk replied nervously, handing a leather jacket with a great many zippers over the door.

"Thank you!" River's sweet voice came from the other side of the changing room door as she took the jacket. "May I also try a pair of chaps, please?"

"Batwing, shotgun or chinks?" the clerk asked, missing the way Jayne's eyes crossed.

"Shotgun, please," River replied, before making a soft exasperated grunt.

"We have ones with zippers and ones with spandex," the clerk offered, catching sight of Jayne and stepping back. "Which would you prefer?"

"Zippers, please, and as tight as can easily fit over skintight jeans. But no fringe, thank you."

"Certainly, miss," the sales associate replied, scurrying away.

Jayne breathed out heavily an' rubbed his eyes with the heels of his hands as he sank back into the wooden chair.

The door to River's cubicle opened and she peeked her head outside. "Jayne?"

"What?!" His voice came out much harsher than he planned an' he could've kicked himself for the way she flinched. He was gonna hear 'bout this when they got back to the ship, he just knew it.

"I need some help," she said.

"An' I need to eat!"

She bit her lip and looked up at him through her lashes. "Please."

He sighed heavily an' made a beckonin' motion.

She shuffled out of the cubicle an' his eyes almost bugged outta his head. The pants were still molded to her body, but the zipper was undone, displayin' a lotta inches o' pale smooth belly an' a few inches o' a right nice pair o' blood red satin unders.

"You were right about impracticality," she divulged, hopping over to him. "Can't get them off."

"What the hell ya want me to do 'bout it?" Jayne squawked, tryin' to tear his eyes away from her belly button an' failin' miser'bly.

She reached down, took his hands and placed them on the top of the pants. "Provide assistance, of course!"

Jayne glanced up an' found himself _thisclose_ to bein' face-deep in her cleavage.

_So this is Special Hell. Welcome, Mr. Cobb. Come in, __git__ comfortable an' please avail __yerself__ o' the beverage bar 'cause __y'ain't __leavin__' anytime in the near future!_

"Jayne?" Her soft, shy voice cut through the dirty movie clip that was stuck on auto-playback in his filthy mind. "Please, I need you."

He shook his head an' wordlessly started shimmyin' the leather down her thighs. "Um, girl, I keep goin', there's a good chance yer gonna lose more than the pants if'n ya know what I mean."

"Oh…many thanks for the warning." She smiled and hooked her thumbs into her unders. "Ready now."

It took a fair bit of fancy maneuverin' on his part, but Jayne managed to help River liberate herself from the pants while keepin' her unders on.

"Ahhh!" she sighed before planting a swift kiss on Jayne's forehead for his efforts. "_Xie __xie!_"

Jayne wiped the back of his hand across his mouth as she pranced back into the changing cubicle.

The clerk returned with a selection of chaps and started handing them over the door to River. "The first pair have zippers and are built for low-rise jeans."

"Oooh! Fabulous!" River called out as Jayne sat there, the discarded leather pants clenched in his fists.

"And the second have a matching studded belt," the clerk said, handing the next pair over.

Jayne glanced down at the leather pants, up at the door, closed his eyes an' bit his bottom lip.

"Even better!" her musical voice carried as the chaps disappeared over the door.

Jayne found himself reaching for his wallet.

"Wait a minute," he said softly to the clerk before she returned to the floor. He handed over the pants and a wad of cash. "Ring these up for me."

"Yes, sir, of course," the clerk replied with a completely straight face as she took the pants and the cash.

"Oh yeah," Jayne told himself as he settled back into the chair and raked a hand through his hair. "Next stop, Special Hell."


	2. Strawberry

Author: Green Owl

Title: Strawberry (2/3 of "Whitefall")

Rating: PG-13 (Jayne and River get a bit graphic)

Disclaimer: I don't own or buy/sell/process this mind crack - I just abuse the hell out of it.

* * *

"Mmmm…" 

"More?" River asked.

"Oh, yeah!" Jayne replied eagerly.

"Hi, River! Whatcha doin'?"

"Hello, Kaylee," River replied, not looking up from her task. "I am rewarding Cobb for a job well-done."

River deftly fed the merc another mouthful of cherry cheesecake as he was unable to manage the fork himself due to the half-consumed hero sandwich clenched in one fist and the massive donquito-mexi roll clenched in the other.

"Fanks!" Jayne mumbled with a blissful smile as he chewed.

River and Jayne were sitting in a booth in a greasy-spoon diner, the tabletop heavily laden with food. Simon gaped as he took in the incredible amount of dishes scattered around the surface: bowls of saucy noodles, trenchers of real beef stew, plates of fried spudsticks, cheesy-peppers and broccoli, and a huge platter featuring at least six different kinds of dessert.

"_Mei __mei_, to what 'job' are you referring?"

River put the fork down on the dessert platter and picked up one of the colossal-sized soft drinks place strategically around the table that Jayne was using to wash everything down.

"He was kind enough to assist me with carrying my purchases, _ge __ge_," she answered, holding the drink out to Jayne, who leaned forward and took a long, lusty sip and promptly belched, albeit with some attempt at delicacy as he shunted the gas to his left elbow.

"Oooh," Kaylee said, sliding in next to Jayne, "whatcha buy?"

"Boots," River replied, watching Jayne's eyes as they darted around the table. "Pants, socks, tops, jackets, protective covering for my breasts…milkshake, Cobb?"

Jayne nodded vigorously as he took a massive bite from the hero sandwich. River held the tall glass to him, careful to make sure the straw got into his mouth and not one of his nostrils.

"Doesn't this disturb you at all?" Simon asked Kaylee in a stage whisper as he sat down.

"Naw," Kaylee said, her adorable nose scrunching as she watched River retrieve a spoonful of un-mixed strawberry ice cream and feed Jayne. "I think it's dulcet, the two o' them gettin' along."

"Cobb would like you to know that you are welcome to partake," River said, indicating the food.

"Jayne, you're sharing your victuals?" Kaylee asked, stunned and more than a little tickled at the same time.

Jayne nodded in the affirmative, cheeks bulging with donquito-mexi roll.

"Shiny!" Kaylee said, reaching for a cheesy-pepper and popping it into her mouth before she patted Jayne on the shoulder. "That's right nice of ya, Jayne."

Jayne shrugged as he chewed. "Fank 'er - 's 'er coin."

"If he runs out, he'll just order more," River said with a patient grin as she carefully fed him a piece of triple-chocolate torte. "He's still got another thirty platinum to go."

Jayne gestured to the strawberry shortcake with the fist that held the sandwich and did a happy little shoulder shimmy as River skillfully obliged him.

"Hey, Simon," Kaylee whispered, offering him a fried spudstick, "you know what they say, dontcha?"

"What's that?" Simon asked with confusion before he accepted the spudstick.

Kaylee grinned as she watched River proceed to pluck a candied cherry from the top of a piece of cheesecake and hold it out to Jayne.

"About the way to a man's heart," Kaylee prompted as she nodded towards Jayne, grunting manfully as he devoured the cherry.

"Huh?" Simon murmured, glancing over at River and swallowing hard as Jayne leaned forward to lick cherry syrup off his sister's wrist.

Kaylee snickered softly as Simon's eyes went wide. "It's through his stomach."

Simon's gaze returned to Kaylee's eyes. He put his hand up to protect himself from the disquieting sight of his sister hand-feeding Jayne Cobb.

"And up," River added offhandedly.

"What's that, sweetie?" Kaylee asked before she took a sip of cola.

"One must penetrate the abdominal cavity through the layers of dermis, peritoneum and omentum and then proceed perpendicularly into the thoracic cavity to the site of cardiac activity," River responded, adroitly carving off another piece of strawberry shortcake.

"Huh?" Kaylee looked at River, then at Simon for some kind of explanation.

Simon shook his head. "_Mei __mei_, I know what you said, but I'm not sure that's what Kaylee m – "

Jayne snorted as he wolfed down the shortcake.

"I am in agreement, Cobb," River said, nodding as she presented the milkshake again. "They understand, but they do not comprehend."

"Care to explain?" Kaylee asked, enjoying the effortless way _Serenity's_ two loners interacted.

Jayne rolled his eyes as he made a punchin' motion – horizontal, then vertical – with the hand that held a much-diminished hero sandwich. "'Way to 'eart – froo stummick an' up! _Dong ma?_"

Kaylee giggled and Simon paled as they watched River and Jayne share a "partners-in-crime" smirk.

Simon grabbed the strawberry milkshake glass and took a hearty swig before he put his hand up again to shield his eyes. "No, I was wrong before. _This _must be what going mad feels like."


	3. Throb

Author: Green Owl

Title: Throb (3/3 of "Whitefall")

Rating: R (For RAYNE-flavored heavy petting on the hovermule)

Disclaimer: I don't own or buy/sell/process this mind crack - I just abuse the hell out of it.

* * *

"Thank you." 

"For what?"

"Borrowing the hovermule to take the packages back. You didn't have to."

"Well, ya didn't hafta be all helpful-like with refuelin' me like ya did, so by my reckonin' this makes us square."

River smiled to herself as she started loading the bags into the mule.

"Don't strain yer back, girl," Jayne said, makin' sure he was the one to heft the heavier sacks into the mule. "Wouldn't wantcha to pull a muscle or nothin'."

"You continue to be a delightful source of surprises, Cobb," she said, taking a moment to relish the seven pairs of boots she had bought. Three pairs with steel-toes, two pairs for hiking, one pair for winter and one set of high-heeled, knee-high fetishwear that were meant to be worn with the incredibly short black leather skirt she'd found on the below-cost rack. "Who would have thought you could be solicitous of my welfare?"

"Uh, obvious, genius," Jayne said, rollin' his eyes. "Who's gonna get us off this rock in one piece if'n yer laid up with back spasms? Mal? Hell, we'd be lucky if'n he didn't incinerate us all before we broke atmo."

River shook her head. "Now that's the Cobb we all know and love. Always thinking of himself."

Jayne straightened up an' grabbed his lapels, posin' like the big damn hero he fancied himself to be. "Hey, it's part of my charm."

She made an exasperated sound close to a delicately feminine short and pitched a sack at him which he barely managed to catch.

"Hopefully you are charming enough to get these past my brother," River said, as Jayne peered into the sturdy canvas sack. "Simon would have a herd if he knew about them."

"Which is 'xactly why we ain't tellin' him, _dong ma_?" Jayne said in a low voice as he put the sack up with the others.

"Clear as mud, Cobb." River grinned at him before picking up another bag and taking a deep whiff of the contents. "Mmmm…warm cow skin in the afternoon."

"Here, let me get that for ya," Jayne said, taking the bag from her and hefting the others into the back of the hovermule.

Her eyebrows twitched together, then sprang apart as her head cocked to the side. "I only had three bags from the leather goods store. I don't remember this fourth one. Did the clerk make a mistake?"

"Um, don't worry none 'bout that," Jayne said, not looking her in the eye. "Kaylee was saying she was wantin' a new jacket so she asked me to buy it for her."

Her eyebrows quirked upwards. "Oh."

He looked at her.

She looked at him.

He was lyin'.

She knew it.

He knew that she knew it.

She knew that he knew that she knew it.

They stood there, side-by-side, looking at each other for a good long while.

Jayne broke the tension first, givin' her one o' his little upper-lip smiles. "Wanna drive after we get all your gear on board?"

River nodded mutely and began braiding her hair.

They loaded the rest of the bags into the hovermule's backseat in silence.

He helped her climb into the seat, careful not to touch her in any way that could be considered improper by any planet's standards.

She fired up the hovermule, adjusted the mirrors, checked the gauges and smiled to herself.

Jayne handed her a pair of sunshades. "Don't wantcha havin' issues seein' in this here 'shine."

"Many thanks," she replied as she donned them.

"Gotta say, this is the easiest money I ever made," Jayne commented, haulin' himself up into the passenger seat an' settlin' in. "Didn't hafta waste no bullets on no would-be badasses. Fine day, yessir, fine day. I'm thinkin' mebbe we should do this more often, eh?"

"Don't forget, I still owe you thirty platinum, Cobb." River smiled and as she patted his hand with one of her own, Jayne felt himself gettin' a too little warm all over. "How shall we settle the bill?"

Jayne let his gaze slide from her shades to her lips to her neck to that wonderful place where her breasts cuddled up to her tight top an' created peaks and valleys in direct opposition to the very flat countryside.

_Oh, I'm a bad, bad man…that's Special Hell territory, __even __if'n__ she's old enough. Still, can't blame a man for __lookin__'…an', uh, __thinkin__'…an' __imaginin__' what that spot on her neck tastes like, the one that's __throbbin__' right __now with her pulse __goin__' mile a minute. Wonder what she'd say __if'n__ I proposed to call us even for thirty minutes o' neck-__nuzzlin__' an' other __interestin__' maneuvers…?_

"Yes."

"Huh?" Jayne adjusted his sunshades, his Miss River Tam-throat-slurpin' daydream very rudely interrupted.

"The answer to your question is 'yes'," she explained.

Jayne felt himself freeze in the act of puttin' on his jacket. "Ya mean yer referrin' to lettin' me exchange pack-mule service for food in the future, right?"

"Oh, that too," she replied breezily as she took off the handbrake.

Jayne rolled his shoulders, cracked his neck. "Oh, well that's good, I s'pose…wait a gorram minute! Whaddya mean, 'that, too'?"

She looked over at him, smiled gently, the elegant primness of her posture in opposition to the shadowy glamour of her dark eyes behind the darker sunshades. "Of course I'll wear the pants you bought for me."

Jayne set, then worked his jaw as he shifted his gaze out across the plain to where _Serenity_ was situated, a mere speck on the horizon.

_So __ruttin__' close an' so far 'way at the same __gorram__ time!_

"Girl, ya must've been one helluva brat when came time for holiday giftin'," he grumbled as he folded his arms. "Well whatcha waitin' for? Let's git a move on!"

River beamed daintily and opened the throttle as the hovermule throbbed to life.

All was somewhat uncomfortably hushed as they sped over the rough landscape, River expertly dodging massive mesquite thickets while Jayne kept a white-knuckled grip on the seat an' wondered for the umpteenth time why in the gorram hell he'd let her drive…oh, yeah, he was pervin' on her at the time an' it was the only way he could think of to defuse the tension.

He took his eyes off the chaparral for an instant to glance over at her. She was grinnin', ear-to-ear-like, bouncin' 'round in the seat as if she were some toddlin' pretendin' to drive her _bà's_ aircar.

"Whee!" she squealed as she pushed the hovermule into fourth gear.

They were closin' on _Serenity_ fast and if'n they didn't start slowin' soon, they were gonna be splattered all over Mal's shiny ship with not a helluva lot to send back to their families for incineration. He felt the enormous meal he'd eaten not an hour ago roil in his supposedly cast-iron stomach.

"Slower!" Jayne protested, every gorram muscle in his body workin' to keep him in his seat. "Slower would be better!"

She ignored him, whooping as she pushed the engine to go harder.

"Hey!" Jayne hollered as they swerved 'round _Serenity_. "Ya missed the cargo bay!"

"Detour!" she crowed, laughing like some demented bobble-headed doll as she zigged, then zagged around huge Joshua trees an' Jayne came very, very close to losin' his extremely expensive lunch.

He had no idea where they were going, but he knew from glancin' at the console that they would run out of fuel in not a whole lotta time.

"Gorramit, girl! Turn this ruttin' thing 'round!" he yelled, wrestlin' with her for the controls.

"No unscheduled stops!" she yelled before she stuck her tongue out at him and shot through a hairy patch o' cacti that would turn him into a pincushion if'n he didn't adjust his bearings.

Jayne curled into the center of the mule to escape them an' spied her braid flappin' in the breeze. He unsheathed Binky an' reached for the long, dark tail.

"Slow down right ruttin' _now_," he yelled into her ear as he brandished the knife, "Or yer getting' an unscheduled haircut!"

"Almost there!" she said, as if she hadn't heard a word he said. "Hold on!"

Jayne made a move as if to slice through the braid, but she executed another quick series of feints with the foliage an' he found himself slammed 'gainst the seat, nearly losin' his grip on Binky.

All manner of threatenin' was over an' done for Jayne as he concentrated on holdin' on for dear life.

River executed another baker's dozen of twists and turns before she slowed the hovermule to a full stop right next to a broad, deep creek.

Thirty horrifically long seconds passed as Jayne resheathed Binky an' tried to control his breathin'. He figured he was somewhere 'tween hyperventilatin' an' throwin' up. He tried to take it slow, imaginin' soothin' thoughts an' it was simple easy considerin' the surroundin's: shady trees, sweet water, scads o' coinage an' scads o' pretty guns to spend 'em on.

He was only partly successful because even though his lunch stayed down, his blood was up in a majorly mean way. He leaned his head back 'gainst the seat an' lolled it over to glare at the girl. He was either gonna strangle her or sex her to death an' it was all a matter o' chance because right now he weren't attached to neither outcome.

All he knew was that the next words outta her mouth better be, "I'm sorry" or "Hands of Blue" or somethin' equally worthy o' almost turnin' him into merc road pizza.

Unfortunately, the Doc didn't call her a "brat" for nothin'.

"That was so shiny!" River said brightly, rolling her shoulders and shivering with exhilaration. "I hope you weren't frightened."

Enough. Jayne had ruttin' had _enough_.

"Listen, you demonic space monkey from the seventh circle o' hell!" he yelled, grabbin' one o' her arms an' pullin' the keys out of the ignition. "I signed on this crew for a ten-percent cut, my own bunk an' full run o' the kitchen. I signed on with ya this afternoon to get paid in savories an' ya still owe me thirty platinum. I surer than _shui_ did _not_ sign on to let yer fantastic'ly-shaped backside kidnap mine when ya got somethin' gone swiss-cheesy in the brainpan! Now yer gonna do exactly as I say or I'm gonna give you somethin' to be frightened 'bout, _dong ma_?!"

River slowly removed her shades and placed them on the dashboard. She loosened her hair and looked down at his huge hand, easily encircling the slender mass of her upper arm.

She wasn't frightened, not at all. She was as regal and unruffled as a princess dealing with an unruly peasant.

When she raised her eyes to his, Jayne knew he was in danger. She was lookin' him just like he had looked at the strawberry shortcake when he first saw it back at the diner: eyein' him like he was on the menu an' she was ruttin' starved.

Jayne swallowed hard.

_Not. _

_Good. _

_Oh dear._

"You are quite accurate," she said, looking him up and down with those cool, dark eyes.

Even his shades weren't no defense 'gainst her an' he thought for a moment he felt her pokin' round in his brainpain, makin' his blood start to pound and his temples start to throb.

"'Bout what?" he asked, tryin' to keep his voice from breakin' an' indicatin' how truly alarmed he was at that moment.

_She could hurt him. _

_Real bad._

_If'n__ she were so '__nclined__…_

"You did not sign on to get kidnapped." She licked her lips. "And I still owe you thirty platinum."

"Keep the gorram money!" he squeaked, releasin' her faster than he'd ever pulled his hand away from his ma's kitchen stove.

"Bad mercenary," she sweetly scolded as she climbed over the console and straddled his lap. "You must understand one thing, Cobb, if we are to operate together: don't ever tell someone that they can 'keep the money'. They, unlike me, might truly believe you."

Jayne tried to withdraw from her touch as much as he could, but she was practically plastered 'gainst him.

"Where the hell'd this come from?" he demanded, more than a lil' afeared for his vital functions.

River glanced down at his lap and smirked. "You have to ask?"

"Just take us back to _Serenity_ and we'll call it even," he pleaded.

She shook her head. "Can't."

"Why not?" His voice was normal again, merciful Buddha, but the unholy gleam in her eyes had him ponderin' all sorts o' really, really nasty thoughts – kind o' thoughts that led to lustin', lechery, leakage and eventually, laundry.

"Out of gas," River said, tapping the gauge in question before scooching forward. "At least, the hovermule is. Looks like you've got plenty though. All according to plan."

"Huh?"

She grinned at him.

"River Tam, Brilliant Plan # 77."

He was completely powerless as she took his wrists in her hands and guided them around her waist, purring as his fingers reflexively gripped her backside. Through four layers of cloth, she felt him, hard with frustration and adrenaline.

"Step one: tempt Jayne with glimpses and brief touches of flesh," she said, arching her back as she writhed and moaned her enjoyment of the pressure.

He bit his lip, gaspin' an' throbbin' somethin' fierce as she worked herself on him, veteran stripper to his vulnerable pole.

"They're – they're expectin' us back at the ship," Jayne protested halfheartedly as he moved with her.

_Wuh__ de ma, felt so __ruttin__' good…better than any __gorram__ fantasy an' without a doubt worth a one-way trip to Special Hell._

"Eventually," she agreed, her eyes drifting shut. "But not for an hour or so. Mmmm, yeah, just...like..._that_."

Jayne knew it was almost certainly really, really sinful but it was as if his hands had a gorram mind of their own and were in league with ol' John Thomas who was heartily enjoyin' the action an' had no ruttin' intention o' stoppin' anytime soon. "Where'n the 'verse ya learn this, girl?"

He gasped as she pulled her top over her head an introduced him to parts o' her that had occupied his thoughts for the better part o' the afternoon. His hands wanted to explore, but they were busy with her backside so he leaned forward an' let his mouth see to the newly exposed flesh.

"From the best," she assured him. "You."

"Whaddya mean?" he demanded before lickin' one o' her nipples into his mouth.

She whimpered and gripped his neck tight. "You were…thinking about this…the entire ride from…_Serenity_ to the town!"

"Was not!" he muttered 'round her breast.

"Were, too!" she countered, pressing her forehead against his. "Put up a valiant front, but you require, at most, a fifth grade level of comprehension to be understood."

"Did ya just insult me?" Jayne asked, removin' his mouth from her.

"No!" she barked, gripping his hair. "Lips, teeth, tongue! Back on me. _Now_."

"Yes, ma'am!"

God help him, but it was turnin' him on even more, this domineerin' side o' her that felt she could order him 'round like this.

"There a step two to this brilliant plan o' yers?" Jayne gasped while shiftin' attention from one nipple to another an' slidin' her back an' forth 'cross his lap.

"Affirmative," she said, moaning as he managed to suck, lick, bite and massage in perfect rhythm. "Step…step two: feed Jayne…sufficient amount of calories…to allow him…to perform…at…_optimum_ grappling levels. Ohhh!"

"Like yer style, darlin'," he declared, goin' for a sensitive spot on the underside of her breast.

"The feel – feeling is entirely…mutual!"

"Gotta stop meetin' like this," Jayne said, grinnin' as she went for his zipper. "Folks're gonna get suspicious!"

"No worries," River said as she flipped her hair out of the way and bared her neck to him. "Kaylee's under strict instruction not to bring the extra fuel cell until sixteen hundred hours."

"Girl, you are downright wicked," Jayne groaned as she traced his ear with the tip o' her tongue.

"I know," she murmured before she kissed him long, sweet and hard. "It's part of my charm."


End file.
